I KNEW I WAS THE ANCIENT ONE
Yet one day, when a friend gave Me a small booklet on the Buddha, I opened the book to the place that told about the second coming of the Buddha as Maitreya, the Lord of Mercy; and I realized all of a sudden, "I am that, actually," and I felt it deep within Me. Then I forgot about it, and years passed by.
Babajan called Me one day as I was cycling past Her tree, and She kissed Me on the forehead; and for nine months, God knows, I was in that state to which very, very few go, even in cycles of time. I had no consciousness of My body, or of anything else. I roamed about, taking no food. My mother thought I was mad, and called the doctor. My father understood, but said nothing. The doctors could not do anything.
I did not sleep, because I was unconscious; and then what happened is very rare. It is only for Avatars, who take on themselves the suffering of the world. I took no food but tea, which My elder brother Jamshed, who loved Me very much, gave Me.
One day, all of a sudden, I felt nature's call. I wanted to move my bowels, but it was impossible because I had not had any food. I sat there and had no stool. Then I saw, with these gross eyes of Mine, circles and circles, whole universes. From that moment, instead of the Divine Bliss that I was in for the nine months, I was in such tortures that no one in the world can understand.
I used to bang My head to relieve My pain. I scarred My head on floors and walls. I could not contain Myself. It was as if the whole universe was on My head. I used to break windows open with My forehead.
Then I was drawn out to Sai Baba. It was an intense urge. Sai Baba directed Me to Upasni Maharaj. He picked up a stone and hit Me on the head. All at once, I felt calm; and I knew I was the Ancient One. Then seven years passed, and one day Maharaj folded His hands and said, "Merwan, you are the Avatar."
I am now infinitely enjoying bliss and infinitely suffering at the same time. As soon as I drop My body, I will go to My abode of Infinite Bliss.
THREE INCREDIBLE WEEKS, pp. 51-53, ed. Malcolm Schloss and C. B. Purdom
1979 © Avatar Meher Baba Perpetual Public Charitable Trust