ANITA VIEILLARD
BABA'S LOVING CLOWN

Compiled from talks given by Anita Vieillard at Meher Spiritual Center in 1982, 1987, and 1988, and at the L.A. Silence Day Sahavas in 1982.

 
Anita came to India to see Baba at the East-West Gathering in November 1962. Baba was on a pedestal in front of a large number of His lovers. Since there was practically no opportunity to be intimate and jovial with Baba, Anita was miserable. However, Baba did joke with her a little. At one point He asked, "Where is Anita? When she's there I can't be serious." Then when Anita was pointed out to Him, He looked at her and said, "You know, this is very serious. Now don't you make Me laugh." ¹

Even so, in general it was a very sad time for Anita. "So in that terrible sorrow that I went through, I was very unhappy, you know. I saw Baba was sick. We all knew this, the older ones like Kitty, Margaret and all of us. And we all experienced the same thing, but none of us told it to each other, as if we couldn't tell it, and yet I felt as if I would never see Baba again in the flesh. But I couldn't tell it, I thought maybe it's just me. But when I read Kitty's book, I realized that we all went through the same feeling of sorrow." ¹

So with the personal Baba less and less available, Anita felt she had to reach out more towards the impersonal Baba. Concepts Baba had communicated, such as the "Inner Journey," the soul's progress towards knowing its real Self, began to become fascinating to her. And she would focus on some of Baba's words, and seek a deeper understanding of their meaning. For example, "I have come not to teach, but to awaken," and "Things that are real are given and received in silence." ¹

"And that's where I had to learn the impersonal side of Baba, and in learning that, there are moments which are so wonderful. When Baba says, 'I'm in all of you. I know that I'm in you. You don't know that you're in Me.' And you sometimes have a glimpse, when you're with someone you love and you're talking to, you have a glimpse, and you say, 'Ahh, it's like that thing that Baba wants to make us realize.' It's such a beautiful moment that you experience." ¹

Through this process she gained a deeper understanding of who Baba is, and she began to feel more "the sacredness" of Baba. In later years, she summarized her journey with Baba as a progression, "from the personal, to the impersonal, to the sacred." ⁴

At the conclusion of one talk, referring to life with Baba, both for herself and the audience, she said, "It's a great adventure, isn't it?" Then she chuckled and added, with her characteristic wit, "True or not true, it's a great adventure." ⁴