I WANTED TO KEEP IT TO MYSELF

 
It was at Nasik that I first realized that Baba was more than just the flesh and blood being that I could see. One night it must have been toward morning — I was awakened by a blinding light, and in the light was Baba's face.

My heart was beating very fast and everything was twirling, radiating pinwheels of light. With the light and the vision, there was such a feeling of ecstasy that I was no longer myself, but was just absorbed into Baba. Then the light and vision went and slowly, slowly, my heartbeat went back to normal. I tried to recapture the moment, but it was gone.

The next day I was alone with Baba and he turned to me, "What were you dreaming last night?"

I tried to hedge, to make out I didn't know what Baba was talking about because I didn't want to verbalize what I'd seen and felt. But Baba gradually brought it out of me.

I said, "Yes, Baba, it's something I'll never forget." Baba tried to get me to tell the others, but I just mumbled about it, and they didn't really understand. I wanted to keep it to myself.