I AM THE STRENGTH THAT BEARS THE WEIGHT OF YOUR HELPLESSNESS
The cardiologist came to examine me, then what happened? I suffered a very severe rigor [shivering episode]. My whole body was shaking.... After these doctors left, I went to the bathroom. I felt very, very weak. When I returned from the bathroom, I told Dr. Anne that I was feeling very weak. And then the shivering started.
Once, four days ago, I suffered a rigor, but not as severe as the one I had today. Dr. Anne, Freeman and Max were giving me a massage. Though it is hot in Pune, I covered my body with a blanket. Dr. Anne called the cancer doctor again who replaced all the bottles and tubes of the I.V. lines. Sheela had intended to go back to Ahmednagar. But when she saw me suffering from a rigor, she stayed until I was free from it.
Seeing me shiver, Shiva felt so nervous that he went out and remained on the verandah. When I was free from the rigor, I called him....
All of a sudden, Beloved Baba appeared in His full glory. Though He was silent and did not utter a word, I felt within that He was telling me something.
"How are you?"
Though I did not reply in words, I felt as if I were replying and telling him that I am helpless.
"You are not yet helpless," He said. "When you become truly helpless, it becomes your strength, because you act according to My Wish. Only a few rare ones become truly helpless, because their helplessness goes to the extent that their helplessness makes them truly helpless. That helplessness will give you strength.
"You are helpless. But do you know how I am helping you? So that you may be able to bear the weight of your helplessness, I am your strength, and I am looking after you. Though you are not consciously asking Me for help, in your subconscious mind you are. I know this. I want to wipe out even the thought which you don't know. One whom I love I will make completely helpless. Therefore, bear all this silently. You'll become very strong. You'll be able to face all these calamities willingly and joyfully because I love you. And you love Me.
"There is nothing which I cannot do. But though I am helping you, you don't know this. I have created the whole of Creation. If I can do this, what is this to Me to help you or cure you? It is nothing. I can do it. But there is some purpose behind your ordeal. That's why you are suffering. But this suffering is the strength for you....
"So I say, 'Don't worry about anything.' Know well that My help is always with you. You cannot imagine what help I am rendering to you. Though you are suffering tremendously, it is good that you don't complain but follow My Wish. I am happy, because I find you a proper medium for My Work. I am using this medium without any hesitation. I am pleased with you. What more do you want?"
Baba disappeared. But this conversation gave me immense joy. I wanted to dictate it to Shiva and since he was present, I did.
With all love and Jai Baba to you, In His Love and Service, Bhau
AWAKENINGS, pp. 73-75
2011 © Bhau Kalchuri