THE WAR IS OVER
I didn't like that at all. Nor did David, whom I had resumed seeing after I returned to New York from San Francisco. I didn't trust myself, nor David for that matter. I decided that if I was going to be able to obey Baba, it would be best that David and I not see each other during the period of abstinence.
However, after I had strictly obeyed Baba for the first six weeks, David and I did happen to meet. The meeting was too much for us and I disobeyed Baba for the rest of the six-month period. Guilt lay heavily on me, spoiling everything I did. I was not happy.
Needless to say, it was a great relief when the six months were over. I had been feeling hostile to anyone reminding me of the orders, and it seemed everyone was bent on doing so, probably because it was so much on their own minds, too. It was a ghastly time.
One week after the end of the abstinence period, Baba extended the order for four more months, to July 10, 1958. But this time married couples were excluded. Baba had given such orders before, but never so close together and never for such long periods of time, except that stricter orders were sometimes given to individuals. David was fit to be tied and so was I.
David said that since he wasn't a Baba follower, he wasn't going to put up with it. But I realized that if I persisted in disobeying Baba's orders, His daaman would slip from my fingers. It had become an inescapable matter of choice: Baba or David. My love for Baba was stronger and even though I knew I'd have to go through a great deal of unmitigated suffering, I gave up David.
Often with Baba, when He takes something away, He gives you no sop to ease the pain. I knew I could expect nothing. He was not testing me so much as I was learning to test myself to find out just how sincere my love for Baba was. Yet, Baba was always there. Without Him, I could never have done it. His love sustained me.
Baba has said that the stronger love pulls you away from the lesser love. That does not mean that the lesser love has diminished. In the end, if you stick it out, Baba gives you something much greater than you ever imagined. But first you have to go through the karmic action that you yourself started.
My misery lasted for two years before it showed any signs of abating. I saw David only once after we separated. He brought me a lovely gift and suggested that we marry. I brushed the idea aside, even though I felt like two people, with one wanting to say "yes" and the other, "no."
Then years later, I saw David once more when he visited my office. He was married by then and had two children. I felt a real friendship for him, but everything else was wiped out. I wondered what all the weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth had been about. I did feel that I had a narrow escape....
Baba had freed me to a great extent from the bondage of sex, not that He has eliminated sex attraction, but more that He has delivered me from slavery to it. Life has too many other things in it, and sex is no longer a problem.
The freedom from this special type of enslavement has brought side benefits. I have more real friendships with the opposite sex as well as with other women. I can appreciate men as friends and for themselves, rather than as objects of pleasure. I am more a friend to women because the jealousies and rivalries are finished. The war is over.
A LOVE SO AMAZING, pp. 47-49
1984 © Meghan Blakemore Eaton