YOUR GREAT LOVE
what a blessed gift
your being with me
in the early morning hours,
requesting what my ego
would resist,
were You not
most important.
when you asked
i replied "Yes, Baba"
without hesitation
apologies
or explanations,
because
You are most High.
You beamed, turning rosey
with delight at
my caring more to obey
than self-protect.
How could i do otherwise
when You, Omniscient Lord,
are the One who knows,
cares and helps
in all-ways,
always.
Then you grasped my hand
squeezing it with warmth
and Love Divine,
eloquently saying
"I am very pleased with you.
Everything will turn out fine."
Only because You,
Beloved Baba,
have graced my life
with your Great Love.
*******
FIRE AND LIGHT
Your fire burns away my self,
Your radiance illumines my being with Love,
I'm consumed and filled
by your transforming Light.
What mystery! O, Resplendent One!
*******
HOW CAN I...?
How can i tell you
what the mind does not know?
How can i whisper the fragrance
of the Divine?
How can i point out the One
when nothing else exists?
The silence is thundering.
*******
LOVE REMEMBERS
fuzzy soup
i swim in
where nothing exists
except now
and
now and
now,
and now
stretching into undivided infinity.
soft and cuddly
like a favorite
comforting teddy bear
slowed mind
isn't hearing
ego's crackling
insistence
on fear
and separation.
where there was sadness
joy now abounds,
and where there was darkness
glowing light pervades
happiness
bubbling up
just because
the space between the molecules
has expanded
and light and bouancy
replace leaden depression
when dark nights' remnants
raise their head
and form a garland
on grief's tombstone,
love remembers
*******
WONDER
"What is it you want?", i ask.
"nothing", you say.
"how do i give you that?", i enquire.
"don't try", you reply.
i look at you, puzzled.
you smile effulgently.
i wonder...
why is this so hard?
*******
YOUR LEAVING
How many times have you left me
With abandonment as my companion,
Fulfilling your own ends?
This time your leaving
Is from Love,
And resistent though i may be,
Such bitter medicine
Is divinely ordained.
Someday my heart
will say thanks.
*******
TWO-EDGED SWORD
ah, Baba
what a two edged sword
your gift of your Presence,
finding you and
feeling you
in Everything:
each sparkling leaf
each word spoken
each step taken
every smile
every thought
every squirrel chatting
every osprey flying
every cup of tea supped --
every is-ness
a reflection
of your divinity;
any and every moment
you were there,
permeating
every thing
and not thing
and it filled
my every pore
transporting me
to a State
of finite duration
as after weeks
it began fading
slowly taking leave
as sadly i watched
a ghost image
merging into vastness
my solid self weeping
for a loss
of nothing
that was Everything
and now i am here
no doubt changed
forever,
but missing
that immersion in
Everything is You
and
Only You Exist
ah this mind,
these sanskaras
loosened and unwound,
are still running
in dream circles
i call me.
*******
BAL NATU
i sing your praises
elder brother
as one who has
loved so well,
shined so brightly
through trials and doubts
reaching the prize
of a lover's journey:
total surrender
at His feet.
your tenderness
smile and sweetness
your wisdom
sensitivity and humility
have nourished our
grateful hearts
may blessed union
be yours
in the One
*******
I HAVE SEEN THAT YOU ARE LOVE
i have seen
that you are Love
without ego
without form
without limit
you are It and That.
All that ever was,
and will be,
come to us
on our level of
gross consciousness
and human flesh
so that we can know you
just a little, ever yearning
to be more and more
in your gaze and arms
to remember You
is to contact our very soul's
source, and
meet it face to face
in acknowledgement
of Oneness.
your are indeed the embodiment
of love, mercy and compassion,
infinitely showering us
with your sweet care
on our journey home
*******
EMPTY
hanging in there
one breath at a time,
swimming
in a vacant
pastel zone
where no
ecstatic highs
or leaden lows
exist
sometimes empty
feels like loss
and sometimes
like gain
*******
MY HEART SINGS, FRIEND
you smiled...
our eyes locked
and held their position
into eternity,
connecting us forever
is a palpable lovestream
of golden light.
yesterday you left
that old body.
my heart sings
for your release
and your joy
at being One
with the Beloved.
*******
SILENCE DAY DITTY
"I have told you 'everything is fine'
DO NOT WORRY, you are mine."
Sing and play, enjoy your day,
moving along in Love's own way.
"Never waver in the heart,
Let mind be here and there.
"You and I are never apart,
'Tis Love divine we share."
*******
Life's sometimes sweet
it's sometimes tart,
The Lord knows best --
We play our part!
*******
THAT PRESENCE WITHIN
i can break off from anyone,
except that presence within:
never divided is the unity
that has always been.
i can break off from anyone,
except that presence within:
it never leaves me,
no matter how often
i run away.
i can break off from anyone,
except that presence within:
rejection and abandonment
flow in and out
like endless tides,
surface changes on eternity.
i can break off from anyone,
except that presence within:
how can i peel away
my own self?
"i can break off from anyone,
except that presence within" -- a line from Rumi
*******
AGAIN
the robot life
grey and moldy
losing self
in dark, imploding
emotions spiralling down
left
of my center.
who is running the show,
anyway?
looking left and right,
trying not to trip
over
my own toes.
keeping my head up
so i can see
some light,
maybe
the sky
when it is blue.
listening to inner
cranial pounding
like a tape
slicking wild
around its track,
not making sense
or even caring.
the days fall into one another,
stumbling, crashing.
and who knows how,
a sudden awakening
and forward
movement
again.
the window opens
to a lifegiving breeze
coursing thru every
cellular
nook and cranny,
crying
"Yes."
*******
SOMETIMES
sometimes
overpowering sadness
usurps my lifeforce
and down i crumble
like a lifeless sack,
feeling so exiled
in a barren, comfortless
grey terrain
without solace.
helpless to change
anything
even love for you,
which only comes
through Your grace.
will You glance this way?
sometimes
the suffering steals all
i know and care about.
is this eradication of "self"?
cheerfulness is impossible --
'though that too
may be duality's dance
as the happy and the miserable
dosie-do around each other,
endlessly;
and i, a puppet
twirled and whirled,
pulled this way and that,
glide up and over rollercoaster
emotions and states,
suddenly
have a clear moment
seeing the Path ahead.
God, grant me strength!
and Love!
*******
LOVE GROWS
everyday
i get a little happier
as my love for you
grows
like an opening rose
whose perfume
uplifts the soul.
where has all the darkness gone?
consumed in your light.
where has all the tightness gone?
transformed by your love
into a hollow reed
singing the song You play
through every illumined cell
humming Baba.
there are no words
for life of the spirit,
only heart waves
of gratitude and love
filling the wide space
of self's departure
yet i long for the final
annihilation
at the foot
of Your glance...
there is no calling
except your love
whispering
leave all
and become One
*******
DIVINE BLESSING
in this moment
Baba's love is pouring down on me,
through me, and around me.
i swim in His ocean
of untroubled bliss
lost to myself.
i see only Him
in every dancing particle
i know not how
this came to be --
ignorance falling away
and His sweet love
enveloping me
in all that is
and ever could be.
He has brought this smile
to my being,
this boundless joy in my heart.
what mystery that one so unworthy
should be visited by the King!
the shadowy taste
of this glory
will linger
in my being
transformed,
marking the way
to the final true dying
in Him.
*******
ONE SWEET VICTORY
i had a painful thought
that caused sickening collapse
in my heart.
then i saw it! REALLY
saw my mind...
the pain and suffering
it had instantly created.
with only God is Real
as my weapon,
i cast the enemy thought away --
flung it far,
like a pebble
from my shoe.
my stride recovered,
peace spread out
in sweetest warmth,
embracing a flowing,
rippleless
emptiness.
ah, such joy.
one small,
precious victory.
*******
TO LIVE
dearest, most beloved God
why do i hesitate and fear?
knowing the tears would flow
and my heart would heave
in pain of longing
for You
i suffer agonizing isolation
and separation,
suffocating enclosure
within self's tiny world,
hardly the shadow
of a grain of sand.
i want only You,
i ask for nothing else
or less
to live a life
of devotion and love,
to live with fullheartlove
and acceptance
a life without qualifiers!
oh, to remember You
more and more!
to live,
bathed in that peace
that passeth all understanding,
a resonance
mirrored
in a wordless sigh,
the pain of lifetimes
erased
in silence's
vast breath.
*******
I LOVE YOU
i love you
and that is all.
thanking you,
my blessings flower
into gratitude
help me to be the instrument
of your work.
i give you my life
offering it
without restraint.
grant me the courage
to go beyond my fear
in coming ever closer
to You.
what is this life
if not
being with you?
if you are not present
and permeating every
thought, action, and feeling,
existence is hollow,
a dark
mean prison.
i want to be free
wild and open,
flowing as
Your divine energy.
carry me up
into your arms,
embrace me.
let your love
dissolve me,
dear One. please,
emerge as my real self
in each moment,
everybreath.
*******
TRYANNY
why do the ego attacks
continue endlessly?
why can i not surrender
no matter how hard and often
i beg and cry
for relief from mind
and tyrrany
of separtive self
which knows no better --
run by the puppeteer's string
pulling yesterday's
impressions.
so much anguish and pain
isolation -- alientation -- darkness
and tears.
suffering in its many costumes
and dialects
always vying
for center stage
in this grand
illusion
which i might not mind,
if at least
it were fun
*******
TRAPPED IN SELF
i hate this prison of self
that closes You in
amidst walls and angles
suffocating the breath
of life.
so dull and grey,
couldn't raise
a flower.
Baba, i need your help.
i don't know the Way
or how to get out
of the way.
stuck with knowing
how lost i am
in pain of separation
in gloom of night
i walk without knowing
your love and support,
because somehow
i have shut the door.
i don't know how or why,
it is the last thing
i would want.
how come? how come?
how did i get so trapped?
how do i get out of this box
into the freedom of your grace,
your smile, your love,
your twinkling eyes
of sweetness,
Light,
and mystery.
please, Baba,
crack the door just a bit
let radiant light
illumine my life,
let me taste the nectar
of closeness
to You.
*******
ALLAH, ALLAH
Allah, Allah
there is but One
among many
always there
always indivisible
always invisible
except for eyes
Divine
*******
I WANT
i want
i want
so many things.
states.
experiences
all keeping me
shackled to density
and duality
i want to be loved
i want to be love
i want to be free
i want to be independent
i want to be your slave
i want to be surrendered
i want to care
i want to be rock-like
i want to dance
i want to be still
i want to create
i want emptiness
how about i want nothing
i want not to want
*******
DANCING, MY BELOVED
dancing, my beloved
in your arms
i waltz
weightlessly
on currents
of love and light
hearing the inner music
of heart's melody
drawing me every closer
as i merge in you
'til at last
we don't exist --
neither you
nor i --
only breath
Is
*******
RESURRECTION POEM
you say you don't like
the dance
as if you were never
consulted --
but that's not true
and self pity rage
suck life.
rise up
from the heap of ashes
to join the light beams.
life is always good.
*******
BIRTHDAY GREETING
happy birthday
to the only One
who ever is
in so many
forms and
disguises
the one who
knows and cares
and comes
for all
to brighten a day
warm a heart
wipe a tear,
move us a step
closer to Truth
to You we say
Avatar Meher Baba
ki Jai!
*******
WITHOUT YOUR LOVE
i am in such pain without You,
and nothing can happen
without Your grace.
the words, the repetitions,
are aridly mechanical,
the breeze of love
blowing through stone corridors
only comes
with Your glance.
bring me close
please, Baba.
hold me to your heart
so i melt
in soft oneness.
lift me up
beyond this self
absorption
so that i may truly see
and be one
with You.
so much pain and grief
held in this little heart
crying out to You!
have pity, Baba.
nothing can be
without
Your love.
*******
SO MUCH SUFFERING
Baba, i try to be happy,
to be focused on You;
but there doesn't seem
to be a way
that tears won't come.
do i have any say
about all this?
am i washing away
liftetimes of impressions?
or is that just mind
dancing hoops
around the Truth
i know life is precious
and i want to be grateful,
yet saying so now
would be lying.
why so much suffering?
my pain cries out
in vain exercising
of unquiet mind.
i have no idea
who i am,
only tears
speak my Truth
i am here
and i am
willing
hopeful
prayerful
longing
crying
pleading
that joy
will burst forth
and light
fill my days.
just a glance, Baba,
open the door of this prison
that i might revive
some hope
*******
PERFECTION
we come to His followers
starry-eyed with love
of the One
knowing He is in all
and who could contain
Him more
than His lovers
only to find
people with hearts
of every size, shape
and content
not so different
from groups
every where
except His hand
softening up
sanskaras
like doughbread
shooting out
fiery sparks
of change and
transmutation
looking like the devil
sometimes
oh it's a brutal
fall
from expectation's
lofty pedestal
to the here and now
reality
that He cannot be
confused
with his Lovers
they are never
His equivalent,
no matter
heart's loving
devotion
they are limited
containers
and He's
the infinite ocean,
they are tainted
and He is pure,
they are progressing
He is the Goal itself --
perfect Perfection!
we have to be
dis-illusioned
from looking anywhere
outside
thinking we can make
an easy substitute
for the fire
of burning all dross
from the heart.
it is there He resides!
He shines everywhere
but lives in that
abode
how long
before you realize
which way to face?
with the Sun before you
the shadows disappear.
*******
MORNING POEM TO BABA
Aug 23, 2004
your soft silky tresses
carressed my face!
so close
to your breath
i felt Love's hum
singing Light
into every cell
forming a cocoon
of no admittance
to life's pain
you carressed
my cheek
in most tender
sweetness
melting
lifetimes'
grief and sorrow
softening
suffering's
hard angles
into
gentle flow
oh miraculous
wonder
you smiled
and the universe glowed
millions of light stars
pouring out of your eyes
in endless mystery
of love's
creation
i bowed deeply
placing heart and head
in profoundest
gratitude
at your perfect
slender feet
gentle tears
washing o'er them
in wondrous joy
my love so full
no more
words to say
the fullness
of Silence
has become
the Way
*******
YES, BABA
you are making me
helpless
and hopeless,
except for
coming near to you.
everything else
you take away,
which i
don't mind,
if it brings me
closer.
i am a mess
with everything
upside down
so out of sorts,
knowing
no direction
except
what leads
to your feet.
i wish
i were different,
but feel
this is how
you want me.
so amidst
the sobs
i say
"yes, Baba."
*******
I CANNOT MAKE
i cannot make
mind sense
of the miracle
of more time here
to draw closer to You
to be thru example
to my utter surprise
this moment
of spiritual grace
clothed in
eating chocolate
sipping coffee
and reading fiction
unless this
IS
drawing closer
to you
i see the
Divine Humor
at work
here!
as in, light-en up
is to move My way
dance in rhythmic
movements
to the Holy breath
sing songs from
the heart
of living love
be happy
where you are
as you are
right here
right now
without rules
and judgement
of how it's
supposed
to be
even remembering Me
will get lost
occasionally
but I am there in
each life pulsation
that has
loving surrender
fragrance
the flower
blooms perfectly
in its
right time
*******
LEGACY OF LOVE
He dropped his body
and seems no more.
What legacy does this leave?
that which eternally
resides in the heart.
there you will find Him
gloriously alive
in this moment!
no need to become a mullah
worshipping words
creating caste systems
of dictatorial
correctness
when even His words
implemented
with loveless
self-satisfaction
create more bindings.
the mind is not the answer
not the way to know Truth
it is Love
which awakens
and guides
*******
THIS IS NOT THE TIME
this is not the time for words
(it once was)
heavy, limited
and full of angles
give me Wine!
that flowing sparkle
aromatic sweet essence
of who i am
*******
AWAKENED AWARENESS
how sad i feel
when i forget
and fall asleep...
needing prods of pain
to awaken
and remember.
yet comes a moment
of torpedo flight
into freedom
of awareness
new pages appearing
as understanding grows.
a dissolution of rules
regulations and
rigidity
expanding into radiant
oneness.
now listen.
the only sound is
silent.
*******
INTO YOUR EMBRACE
i cannot see beyond
the cobalt sky's
puffy clouds
unless i gaze inward
in the vast space
i search for you
thinking there is name and face
but in this perfection
only silence
winks
slowly slowly the need for
having and knowing
falls to the wayside
like outworn ragged coverings
that served their use
once
now a bold step
or should i say surrender
into your nameless soundless
embrace
peace is
*******
WHAT IS REAL
what is there to say?
when words
are as substantial
as vaporizing steam
can i send you a kiss by courier
or buy jewels with counterfeit coin?
only your love is real
*******
IF I COULD LOVE YOU
if i could love You
as i want
and as you deserve
there'd be no me
(doing anything)
so this is dream
and a game
and i play my part
full heartedly
without attachment,
You say
but i am not in control!
i can't obey
as much as i'd like
and you state
IT IS ALL ME,
anyway
so why do i feel guilty
when i'm just a dream
and You're the one
writing the script
and acting all the parts?
it befuddles the mind
(which You like)
and leaves only
Love
to answer all
the questions
*******
WHO IS THE ONE
who is the one
who thinks she is
in control?
who has any say
about anything
at all...
a little gnat
making big noise
saying i'm here
pay attention.
what humor
the Creator has,
what a joke
sublime!
we flap and stomp
cry and whine
and dance and sing
and it is all
a dream.
as Kabir says,
"You've been asleep
for millions of years.
why not wake up
this morning?"
*******
I WHISPER YOUR NAME
i whisper your name
deep in my heart
soft and uncertain...
not knowing where i stand
as the ground
beneath me
rises and shifts
disorienting my
unknowing knowing
crying in isolation
a child without
a hand to hold
i convulse
with inner
pain
as the days blur
into undifferentiated
time
without boundaries
or purpose
until your smile
appears
tentatively felt
welcoming me
into your world
again
this time a softened self
not many details
or convolutions left
an energy apparition
floating thru dreamtime
bowing a little more
to the personification
of love
that you are
and the Lord Divine
that has manifested
this vastness
of awesome excellence
to teach
and to transcend
we have misunderstood
our little freewill
misdirected the gift
to our detriment
and pain
eventually placing a foot
on the long suffering trek
ascending the mountain of
sincerity and love
that finds us
finally
at the pinnacle
of purity
the abode
of unity
thank you
for being there
even when i
couldn't feel
your loving support
the tender twinkle
of your compassionate
gaze
the deep knowing
in your fathomless eyes
the connection in the heart
that never goes
*******
IN YOUR SWEET EMBRACE
happily i rest in your sweet arms
an embrace so comforting
i melt into utter tenderness,
a sweet silence
colored pink
by your all knowing, all caring
presto vanishes
the whiney (not winey!) self
and fear's unconnectedness,
mind's tyrannical agenda
of worldly worries
loosened and set free
what liberation the quiet mind
the open heart
the peace of surrender
i ask your help
your sweet caring
to extend this moment
to another and another
grace-ful presence
in your Love
in this place
i am home
*******
LOVE'S SWEET TOUCH
the company of the Beloved!
what greater joy is possible here and now?
none, i say! for when He visits
there is truly heaven-on-earth
every flower smiles
bends and nods in greeting
every face reflects and radiates the Love
that flows in, around and through all life
happiness abounds simply because
and energy soars in unfettered divine rhythms
that emanate from the heart of God
there is no lack because there is no little i
feeling separate lost and deprived.
what Grace from the Beloved
to have a moment's awakening in Him!
and then it is back to life as usual (moreorless)
though one cannot help but be changed forever
by Love's sweet touch.
yes, most fortunate we are
when through Baba's Grace
Light breaks through the dark shell of self
revealing a divine presence.
*******
*******
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