NEW HOMES IN NEW HEARTS

 
In the spring '68, restlessness, frustration, and an urge to wander drove me from my childhood home in the east. Fall found me broke and homeless in California, so i took work without pay in a garden in Santa Cruz. The atmosphere was restful and refreshing, the food tasty and nourishing. Simple manual labor occupied my hands and mind while my heart turned towards God. But the road was not open yet.

I felt sure that i was born into an Avataric Age, but had no idea who or where or even when HE was. Sri Ramakrishna seemed the most Christ-like of all the masters and I was drawn to Him.

Then a beautiful guy named Bif Soper came to the garden for a few weeks to learn from the head gardener. He was a poor and plain-living hippie like me. Poorer in fact because he had only one shirt that was torn. But he had something inside that passed all show. His face was open and broad, his eyes clear, and his thoughts were always on his Master. He moved thru the world like a beautiful dreamer. His mouth seemed to keep a wonderful secret. I asked him, "What is your beautiful secret?"

He laughed and shook his head. "MEHER BABA!" It was no secret.

Then in September '68 i felt an inward change. It was as if my heart were a flower and it began to bloom. I left my job in town and lived alone in the large redwood forest. I waited for myself to open towards God. It was fall. It grew colder and soon was winter. I was used to waiting by now. It was a habit. Soon I forgot all about waiting and loved living simply and cleanly with the tall trees and the winds. I shaved my head as a sign of my separation from old habits.

Occasionally i would go down to town to get food. Down there, i had meals with Bif and he told me more about Baba, about His silence, His work, His great darshan planned for the spring. Bif wanted to go. I said i did too. Bif said that it was for Baba's lovers, and emphasized the word "Lovers". I said loudly that i loved Him. But the thought remained and puzzled me. Did i love Him?

This thought gnawed at me all through my days alone in the woods. Did i really truly honestly love Him? With all my heart? He was worthy of all my love and hope but would i open myself to Him? These thoughts were always in my mind.

One day — i remember the day well — i was walking down a forest road and i was lost in the circle of thoughts about Baba that i have described. My eyes were on the ground. Somewhere in my consciousness a light went on and i looked up. I saw an orb like a full moon with Baba's beautiful face upon [it] smiling love at me. His beauty is indescribable. His love is so great that stones are uplifted. I spoke to Him in my thoughts. "Yes. I love Baba, come into my heart." I felt Him in my heart too.

The sight remained for several days, then diminished and then was gone. But i felt refreshed and had a new outlook. Some time later i came to know that the Beloved God-Man had left His body. So even as He prepared to leave His home in Meherazad, He prepared new homes in new hearts. Jai Baba!