MY EYES, YOUR TEARS
In my heart, I knew that You had accepted me, but I am not a brave person. Should I not admit this? Yes, I am a weakling!
But You, the God-man, be praised! You are for all, whether feeble or strong.
During that time, being unnerved and fearful, I began to thrust my wishes upon You instead of accepting Your will. Although I knew that through the events of my life You were providing me with the best of opportunities to come closer to You, my responses to Your love were poor and superficial. So, fool that I am, in my agony, I sometimes even doubted Your "Godness." Yet Your acceptance of me was unconditional.
On several occasions, I tried to keep up a cheerful front, telling others, "I am fine, I am fine." But this did not last long. As soon as I found myself alone, streams of tears started rolling down my cheeks.
I felt ashamed and crest fallen. I hid my face in my palms and sobbed. When I tried to wipe away my tears what a surprise awaited me!
The touch of those tears gave me an intense feeling that they were not my tears. The tears were not mine. They were Yours of Your Love. What compassion!
With a choked throat and in an inaudible tone, I mumbled, "Sorry." I felt that through these soothing tears You were asking me, "Don't you trust Me?" Somehow I managed to say, "Please forgive me, I could not help it." I was sorry that I had made You suffer for me. But at that instant fear vanished like a mist before the bright shining sun, and I became my normal self.
Those sacred tears surely cheered my dying spirit, and my whole being reverberated in wonder!
It was a revelation that whenever I weep, the eyes are mine, but Yours are the tears!
CONVERSATIONS WITH THE AWAKENER, pp. 6-7
1991 © Sheriar Foundation