WHAT ON EARTH WAS HAPPENING TO ME

 
It was at Feldmeilen [Switzerland] that I came to understand what Ruano meant when she said she had wept for 10 days after meeting Baba. I didn't weep for 10 days; rather I didn't sleep for 10 nights. Uncommonly restless, with everything inside in turmoil, I would get up every night after the others were asleep and sit by the window to watch the moonlight on the lake and wonder what on earth was happening to me.

What was Baba doing? Outwardly, Baba simply acted as if to him I were still just "Nonny's darling daughter," so that is how I behaved. But Baba knew exactly how to play me on his line. The more casually he acted toward me, the closer I was drawn to him.

One day we were walking in the hills with Baba and as was his habit, he strode out ahead and seeming to float effortlessly up the hill, with everyone else, even the mandali, struggling along behind. Suddenly I felt I must catch up with Baba. I put on extra speed, walking very fast. As I came alongside him, he turned to see who was there and then put out his hand to catch mine.

I wasn't breathless; I didn't have to hurry to keep up with him. I just went floating up the hill hand in hand with Baba.