REVEALING HIMSELF AS CHRIST
Countess Nadine Tolstoy
Deep in the rear, stretched on the couch was that mysterious, long expected Being, the Divine Enigma the True One!
Simple, light, thin, small, sparkling and youthful, so unpretentious but strangely mysterious and clear. So different from certain scenic appearances of ascetics....
He reminded me of something of somebody I knew far off, but could not catch the vision. I felt as if he were challenging my inner memory, and his whole posture and atmosphere was asking, "Can't you remember? Don't you remember me in the past?"
One of the first things he spelled out on the board (as he was silent for years): "It is long since you are waiting for me. I will help you" beamed at last the saving promise!...
Immediate recognition of my soul created a feeling of absolute confidence. Comforted, I already knew that he is the True One.... He was like the shining sun, that we do not question. He simply and naturally entered into my life and into my hidden being.
Exalted feeling of happiness, uplift and security lifted "my wings." I was so happy and so unhappy at the same time. For, as I was then, it was not given me to enter the closest sanctuary of his being. As I left him, suddenly it became clear that he was Krishna. All the time the image of Krishna was before me....
Meher Baba returned to New York [May 1932]. This time it was the greatest feast of my heart.... Unforgettable will ever remain the divine experience of seeing and contacting him again. I came in the early morning, hoping to appear at any time of his calling.
I had to wait long hours, but they seemed to me a granted blessing for I could sit in stillness seeking deeper communion with him, attuning my whole being for the sacred moment.... It is very difficult to speak of one's most sacred moments of life. And it is still more difficult to express the deep impressions of Baba, as I saw and felt him this time.
I saw Christ before me, as he was seated on the couch, in the expression of all his figure and his divinely lit up face, in his eyes, beaming love that no words can describe as they radiate the flame of his mystical power!...
The climax of my life, for now I was conscious what his guidance meant to me. His Christ-like luminous and healing power brought me to his feet; on my knees, I sobbed in tears of repentance, joy and gratitude.... As I was all in tears, blood rushed from my nose, which he instantaneously stopped. He was more a Christ and a God-Man than a human, so etheric and luminous as he patted me, comforting and giving peace....
As the Master gave me the sign to leave, I immediately stood up and in profound respect to his divinity and in order to prolong the precious moments so short and so eternal, I began to leave backwards, looking at his eyes which were flaming love and light, reaching the deepest recesses of my being.... He smiled, revealing himself as Christ.
As I was going out, all of a sudden I stopped and with a great force of inner recognition, spontaneously, unaware to my own intent, I declared as loud as I could: "Jesus Christ!" with all the solemnity of those great words. Something within me recognised in this dear shape of Meher Baba the incarnation of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. So, the unbelievable became a revealed fact.
GLIMPSES OF THE GOD-MAN, Bal Natu, Vol. 1, pp. 143-145
1977 © Bal Natu